30 is not the new 20- Meg Jay

Okay, this saddened me a little but hopefully it will help someone else. I wish I had some of this knowledge at 24; I would be on a much better life path now. It may never be too late to make changes to one life but one would have lived a better life if the right changes were made earlier.

The newer the band the more women

Okay so confession time...... A guy friend of mine recently got married and since then he has become so much more attractive to me. Granted he once asked me out on dates but I never took him seriously. Now he has a wedding band around his finger and all of a sudden its like the glass has been shattered and I am now see him in a new light.

I think there should be research  done on why women are attracted to a man with a wedding band like they are attracted to a man carrying a cute baby. 

I confided  in another guy friend who also recently got married and he too says a lot of the ladies he was chasing prior to settling down are on his case. Some of them out right flirting with him. He seemed very surprised that ladies who turned him down now flirt and ask him out for drinks. Shouldn't women be put off by a man with a  band?

I reckon that getting married makes a guy seem more responsible and we all know a responsible man is very attractive to us ladies. Taking that attraction to another level is a different thing; there control should be at play.

So I am gonna avoid this man lawd knows, I don't want or need any drama.

Sugar papa

Remember those days when having an older married man pay for things for young unmarried ladies was such a no no? Well .. I do! Such a woman would be the subject of gossip and ridicule. Back then mistresses and concubines were done in secret. Well in today's Nigeria, I think it is so out there and open. I've met girls who openly tell me their " boo" who happens to be married and who pays for a lot of their bills and more. Even married men openly flaunt their girlfriends by taking them on trips and to parties, one begins to wonder about the vows that were taken. 

Married men openly chase single girls like it a sport. Don't get me wrong I am not claiming to be high and mighty ( covers face) but it has become so prevalent in our society and slowly becoming norm. A friend of mine mentioned to me to keep a boyfriend that I would like to marry but have a " sponsor" on the side. As tempting as it may be to have one rich man subsidize my life style, I don't believe much good can come of it in the long run (I like to think of my self as a big picture looker) . A big factor in a woman's life is her reputation, I would rather be known as the girl who slept with a married man because she loved him then be the girl who did it for a trip abroad, house rent or CL shoes.

And to the married men, if you think you respect your wife enough for her not to find out but every one else knows but her, is that true respect ? Also if you must have an affair isn't it wise to have just one girlfriend? Men sleep around with any girl that is willing forgetting that she may have several other partners. Na so SDI & HIV de enter equation.

Ladies can we truly dance to " independent women" when it starts playing, knowing that you didn't pay for your bag, shoes or car? And if you have a job but want to live the lifestyle you see other girls living isn't that wanting to live above your means or plain greed? Why not work harder for the the things you want. I kind of understand when girls from poor homes do the necessary things to ensure she gets an education and feed their familes. How hard is it to be content with what we have and use that to motivate us to work harder.   

To be honest, some men make it very difficult not to fall for the temptation. A man once offered 50 thousand Dollars cash to spend the night with a him. Till this day I wounder what would have happened if I got out of that car and spent the night with him. One day I will make that kind of money on my own and afford all the things I want but till then I make do with what I have and of course accept freebies (lol).

I am not looking down on any one's hustle, you can do you. But what values are we going to instill in our children ? What kind of society are we gonna leave behind if we let things like this become okay?  

There are so many things to worry about let us not add broken values for marriage and relationships be one of them especially for those of us who are not married yet.  

Waiting for prince charming in his white bentley

“Are u married? “This question seems to follow me everywhere. It is slowly becoming a much disliked one too. It seems that being married is a status that defines a woman, in Nigeria. 

I’ve always wanted to marry in my late 20s and here I am with no boyfriend or suitors in tow. I do not believe marriage is the high light of a woman’s life, but we women reach a stage of maturity where marriage is the next logical, emotional, physical, spiritual and even financial step to make. It’s a hot topic for ladies in their mid to late 20s. I seldom have a chat with my girlfriends and the topic does not arise. 

To me marriage is in accordance to God’s word, also it is to have one person I share my world with through thick and thin. We will not always be in-love with one another but the love and respect we have for each other is a bond that will see us through years of challenges, joy, sadness, laughter etc. Marriage is about raising healthy well grounded individuals who will become positively contributing members of their society. 

I am fortunate not to be pressured by my parents and family but the rate at which my mates are getting married … eh!… it’s hard not to have constant thoughts about the M word.

So many times I pray for that one person that knows me so well and vice versa that we are able to see through any storm life may throw at us. But before you start weathering life’s storms as a married couple we must get through dating and courting. That’s another ball game on its own. 

So I guess what I am trying to say is , as much as we all want to be married, these things take time, wisdom and prayers. Lord knows you don’t wanna be stuck with the wrong person. Being from a culture that looks down on divorce it is important to focus on what you have to do (Job, school, career etc) and everything else will fall into place.