The newer the band the more women

Okay so confession time...... A guy friend of mine recently got married and since then he has become so much more attractive to me. Granted he once asked me out on dates but I never took him seriously. Now he has a wedding band around his finger and all of a sudden its like the glass has been shattered and I am now see him in a new light.

I think there should be research  done on why women are attracted to a man with a wedding band like they are attracted to a man carrying a cute baby. 

I confided  in another guy friend who also recently got married and he too says a lot of the ladies he was chasing prior to settling down are on his case. Some of them out right flirting with him. He seemed very surprised that ladies who turned him down now flirt and ask him out for drinks. Shouldn't women be put off by a man with a  band?

I reckon that getting married makes a guy seem more responsible and we all know a responsible man is very attractive to us ladies. Taking that attraction to another level is a different thing; there control should be at play.

So I am gonna avoid this man lawd knows, I don't want or need any drama.

Plus Sized

Check out this hawt mama ...... Her name is Robyn Lawley. She is an Australian native and plus size model. Standing at 6.2 feet tall and a size 12, she is breaking norm and is fast becoming a renowned international model ( there is hope for us). 

I believe all  women are beautiful as long as they are at a healthy weight. I am pro healthy living, meaning I believe in eating right and regular exercise. We all have our goal weights  and sizes but we must remember to be healthy.

So back to Robyn Lawley, she registered with modelling agency in her teenage years and was told to lose weight. She did but put the weight back on during her University years. Upon return to her home country she was inspired by another plus size model and took to modelling again (so I read). Since then she has now graced the covers of top magazines across the globe such as  French Elle and Marie Claire and  Vogue Italia.

 She is just gorgeous!!!!!!!

I think the UK size 12 is the average size of Nigerian women. So all my sisters out there if you ever had the dream to model and you are not stick thin, there might just be a chance out there for you. But you will never know till you try.

The Land of Nappy goodness

South Africa has to be the land of natural hair. There are more ladies here (and even men) with natural hair and locks. It is so refreshing for me to be among so many women who are proud and happy with their natural hair.

The texture of hair they have here seems to be more course and kinki, making it very nice for dread locks. I've seen in the past few days wonderful looking locks and beautiful natural hair. Natural hair wearing or having natural hair, seems to cut across age and social standing. They also wear nice styles, not as adventurous as women from the western world though.

Even my sister and aunty who live here,both had dread locks for two years now and they just love it.

My sister Lizzy with her dreads

There are very few products for natural hair in the stores here though. But my sister still manages to get by. My aunty loves to use shea butter that she got from West Africa.

South African Singer - Bulewa Mkutukana Zahara

Keep flying the flag my South African sisters!!!!!!!

Holidaying for Cheap

When I told a few people that I was going away for a few days on holiday, I got the usual " Big girl" and "you get money oh!" . I believe many Nigerians don't know know how to travel and how to do so on  an affordable price.

I am in South Africa on a ten day vacay. It is costing me a considerable amount of money but that's why I save. I love to travel and its important to me that I do so at least once a year. Especially now that I am fully based in Nigeria . Nigeria has a way of draining all the sanity in a person, so a yearly holiday is like a breather from my beloved home land.

Traveling does not have to be a bankrupting undertaking. So here are a few tips that I use to help  prepare for a holiday:

•  I start in the beginning of the year to plan and  identify where I want to go.
• I do a lot of research on the cost of flights,and accommodation ( compare prices between companies and location)
• Find out about visa requirements. Some African countries  are less expensive and quite lenient with regards to  issuing of  visa . If you live in West Africa you will not need visas to neighboring states.
• I try to travel in a group, going with others or other helps reduce the cost as we all will share the cost of things like a taxi rides and food bills.
• Give your self ample time to save towards the holiday
• Consider destinations where you may have family or friends

Its winter now in South Africa so the airline tickets are quite affordable and since I have family here I also have free accommodation.  I do not plan on doing a lot of shopping so I am okay on cash. 

I look forward to making a trip every year so I start planning and saving early. If you plan well you will have a good holiday.

Staying friends

 
What really is the point of staying friends with one's ex ? I had to ask my self this question a few days ago when I found out an ex of mine was getting married and another contacting me to rekindle our relationship.

I've had my fair share of love and relationships and I in most cases stay friends with men I dated, I am not sure why. There really is no rule as to why I should or shouldn't be friends with them. When do I say no to remaining friends with someone who chose not to be in my life or to one who I decided wasn't deserving of my affection?

So I've been asking my self why should I remain friends with a recent ex of mine who is getting married. He insists that we remain good friends and I still mean a lot to him and still wants me in his life. My first thought was " Why are humans to selfish? Why must he eat his cake and have it? and as his "friend" should I pretend to be happy he is marrying someone other than me?" Then I looked back and realized I too have broken up with someone and still expected him to remain my friend. I wanted him to remain in my life because he is a wonderful guy (wasn't wonderful enough at the time to me, to take it to the next level)  but I still wanted to have him in my life.

So here I am hurt but in realization that I too have done the same. Do I remain friends with him and pretend to be happy, just as I expected from someone else ? Why?.... because friends are meant to be happy for each others growths and successes. Or should I shut him out of my life seeing that I do have enough friends already?

I will let y'all know what I decide.

Traditional weddings

I love Heritage , Culture and tradition so when I came across this picture below on bellanaija of this stunning bride on her traditional wedding , I instantly stole it but I had to share. Since I was at it, I have added picture of my friend on her traditional wedding day.

My friend Fiona  ( Efik Bride)

Traditional marriages are usually colorful and full of life with music, dancing and exchange of traditional rites. The few trad. weddings I've been for have been very exciting, apart from the food they are very enjoyable events. I've had nice encounters with older generation explaining the significance of each rite. There is beauty in our heritage and culture, I cant wait to celebrate mine on my wedding day.  Being an Efik woman, I will have three out-fits, layered hair with bronze pins ( like my friend on the right), I have to learn the traditional dances and much more. I will definitely be putting up pictures of that event when it happens * big smile*

Sugar papa

Remember those days when having an older married man pay for things for young unmarried ladies was such a no no? Well .. I do! Such a woman would be the subject of gossip and ridicule. Back then mistresses and concubines were done in secret. Well in today's Nigeria, I think it is so out there and open. I've met girls who openly tell me their " boo" who happens to be married and who pays for a lot of their bills and more. Even married men openly flaunt their girlfriends by taking them on trips and to parties, one begins to wonder about the vows that were taken. 

Married men openly chase single girls like it a sport. Don't get me wrong I am not claiming to be high and mighty ( covers face) but it has become so prevalent in our society and slowly becoming norm. A friend of mine mentioned to me to keep a boyfriend that I would like to marry but have a " sponsor" on the side. As tempting as it may be to have one rich man subsidize my life style, I don't believe much good can come of it in the long run (I like to think of my self as a big picture looker) . A big factor in a woman's life is her reputation, I would rather be known as the girl who slept with a married man because she loved him then be the girl who did it for a trip abroad, house rent or CL shoes.

And to the married men, if you think you respect your wife enough for her not to find out but every one else knows but her, is that true respect ? Also if you must have an affair isn't it wise to have just one girlfriend? Men sleep around with any girl that is willing forgetting that she may have several other partners. Na so SDI & HIV de enter equation.

Ladies can we truly dance to " independent women" when it starts playing, knowing that you didn't pay for your bag, shoes or car? And if you have a job but want to live the lifestyle you see other girls living isn't that wanting to live above your means or plain greed? Why not work harder for the the things you want. I kind of understand when girls from poor homes do the necessary things to ensure she gets an education and feed their familes. How hard is it to be content with what we have and use that to motivate us to work harder.   

To be honest, some men make it very difficult not to fall for the temptation. A man once offered 50 thousand Dollars cash to spend the night with a him. Till this day I wounder what would have happened if I got out of that car and spent the night with him. One day I will make that kind of money on my own and afford all the things I want but till then I make do with what I have and of course accept freebies (lol).

I am not looking down on any one's hustle, you can do you. But what values are we going to instill in our children ? What kind of society are we gonna leave behind if we let things like this become okay?  

There are so many things to worry about let us not add broken values for marriage and relationships be one of them especially for those of us who are not married yet.  

Mirror Mirror .... Who is the fairest ?

Remember that song “the video star killed the radio star" or something like that?  Well the video stars also killed/kills the self image of every young woman who watches TV. And it isn't just the TV but print media as well, all forms of media help promote poor self image in women. As if looking in the mirror and not liking what we see isn't bad enough.  It is said that on average 8 out of every 10 women have an issue with their bodies; there are a few things we wish we could change or improve. Many celebrities have confessed to having poor self image too. The reinforced myth of thinner women being more attractive is everywhere, in the media, school, and social gatherings and even in the family.

The simple description of poor self image is when we have a picture of ourselves in our minds and that image differs from reality.

But the truth is for those of us who won’t and can’t have a little snip and tuck here and there, we have to live with our bodies.  But we forget after all, it is the only one we have and we were fearfully and wonderfully made.

Having a poor self image doesn't let you enjoy your body and your life. I am constantly worrying that my tummy is too big or my hips are too big or my legs are too skinny or I look flat chested in that dress or top. The more I think about it the more I realize that I am overlooking the better parts such as how my skin glows or how nice my figure is or like how soft my natural hair is etc. I also realized that I am always verbal about the complaints I have about parts of my body I dislike and when I have a daughter , having to hear negative views from me about my body will also give her the same insecurity issues. 

 I am no expert but a good way to combat poor self image other than seeing a professional is to accept that you will never get any other body than the one you have now so why not love it and take care of it? Eating healthy and exercising regularly will help you feel better about yourself. As for problems that are more internal, it is better to see and talk to a professional.   

I notice the more I work at looking better by eating right and working out the better I feel about my body, even the parts I disliked before I begin to see how they works beautifully with the others and how as a whole I am one beautiful sexy creature. 

Bottom line is love the skin you are in and take care of it. 

So I vow to love my body with all its flaws and everyday say one less negative thing about it.

A few pictures of my natural hair journey thus far

Feb 2012. Learning to wear my natural hair

I love it when my hair has a just out of bed look

A few days after I cut the relaxed bits. Wasn't quite sure what to do with the hair

My short hair went nicely with my outfit, got lots of compliments at the wedding I attended

LOL bathroom pic. We all do it! my hair was very well behaved on this day in March 2012

Close up shot

Wanted a break so i got braids in a different color. They still hurt but I am enjoying the change.

Waiting for prince charming in his white bentley

“Are u married? “This question seems to follow me everywhere. It is slowly becoming a much disliked one too. It seems that being married is a status that defines a woman, in Nigeria. 

I’ve always wanted to marry in my late 20s and here I am with no boyfriend or suitors in tow. I do not believe marriage is the high light of a woman’s life, but we women reach a stage of maturity where marriage is the next logical, emotional, physical, spiritual and even financial step to make. It’s a hot topic for ladies in their mid to late 20s. I seldom have a chat with my girlfriends and the topic does not arise. 

To me marriage is in accordance to God’s word, also it is to have one person I share my world with through thick and thin. We will not always be in-love with one another but the love and respect we have for each other is a bond that will see us through years of challenges, joy, sadness, laughter etc. Marriage is about raising healthy well grounded individuals who will become positively contributing members of their society. 

I am fortunate not to be pressured by my parents and family but the rate at which my mates are getting married … eh!… it’s hard not to have constant thoughts about the M word.

So many times I pray for that one person that knows me so well and vice versa that we are able to see through any storm life may throw at us. But before you start weathering life’s storms as a married couple we must get through dating and courting. That’s another ball game on its own. 

So I guess what I am trying to say is , as much as we all want to be married, these things take time, wisdom and prayers. Lord knows you don’t wanna be stuck with the wrong person. Being from a culture that looks down on divorce it is important to focus on what you have to do (Job, school, career etc) and everything else will fall into place.